This essay is important. It was important when I first read it several days ago and it’s important right now and it’s is totally true to my experience of living my own life with a constant awareness of danger. Thank you to Pheadra Starling for writing this.
Phaedra Starling is the pen name of a romance novelist and licensed private investigator living in small New York City apartment with two large dogs. She practices Brazilian jiu-jitsu and makes world-class apricot muffins.
Gentlemen. Thank you for reading.
Let me start out by assuring you that I understand you are a good sort of person. You are kind to children and animals. You respect the elderly. You donate to charity. You tell jokes without laughing at your own punchlines. You respect women. You like women. In fact, you would really like to have a mutually respectful and loving sexual relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, you don’t yet know that woman—she isn’t working with you, nor have you been introduced through mutual friends or drawn to the same activities. So you must look further afield to encounter her.
So far, so good. Miss LonelyHearts, your humble instructor, approves. Human connection…
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I’m stunned and moved by her insight. It IS an important essay. Sadly, most men of my generation will never read it because of her literary style of tongue-in-cheek sarcasm. It saddens me that the gravity of her words didn’t inspire her to work outside of such strong vernacular. She’s explains levels of discomfort and situational wariness from a woman’s POV so well – but that strong voice changes to weak sarcasm when directed back to talking to a male counterpart. Anyway, I admire her ability to break down such a scary subject and publish. Bravo! Keep them comin’ Carrie!
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