All Your Questions About Star Trek Into Darkness Answered At Last

Spock and UhuraQ.  Do we have lens flare?

A.  YES!  Yes we do.  I’d say one-third of the movie is lens flare.

Q.  Do women show up in their underwear for no apparent reason?

A.  Yep, twice.  I’m sorry to say that there is a distinct lack of corresponding male nudity.  This is unfair, people.

Q.  Does the plot make sense?

A.  No, sadly, it does not.  Never trust a movie which includes the line, “I’m initiating the cryogenic process now”.  It is also helpful to be completely ignorant of the basic laws of physics and biology.

Q.  Say!  Is that a picture of Spock and Uhura being adorable?

A.  Why yes it is!  They are wonderful.  They have a fight and they actually have a conversation about it.  With real words!  Like grown-ups!  We love them.  No one kill them or break them up!  You hear me, Hollywood?  WE LOVE THEM!

Q.  Is the movie fun?

A.  Yes.  I had a great time.

Q.  Is the movie deep?

A.  Nope.  It would like to be, but it isn’t.  It’s just fun.  Everybody gets to be a sexy badass, and a lot of things blow up.  Pure summer fun.

Q.  Who would win in a battle for world domination, Loki or He Who Shall Remain Nameless from Trek?

A.  Neither.  I’d watch out for that tribble that McCoy has been experimenting on, though.  That never ends well.  Will Star Trek 3 be about the tribble that ate Earth?  Only time will tell.

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